


Ascension

by Archaz



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, can't handle just changing the plot, easier way to accept the tragic canon???, hopeful canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 00:55:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6173704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archaz/pseuds/Archaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I know we're all torn up, and this has probably already been explored, but here my own personal way that hopefully makes Lexa's death easier to process without diverging from canon (yet) and keeps her within the story.  Stay strong kids.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Heda's current body is no longer functional and the spirit of the Commander is in need of a new one.  Clarke is unable to leave Polis to head to Arkadia and her presence in Lexa's life influenced her spirit in ways that she might never understand.  The new Commander is receptive to Clarke in a confusing and familiar way.  Maybe meeting again has more value than just empty words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ascension

When _Heda_ is removed from the inert host, all memory and executable functions go silent. Unable to be accessed without a proper interface in which the actions can be made applicable. _Heda_ is left waiting. Dormant. _Heda_ comes in two parts. Essence and the host. Without a host to receive the signals that _Heda_ sends, no manipulation of matter or energy can be made. Reduced to the most basic function for a time being, the only operation that is able to run is one;

 

Find a new host.

 

Certain reflexes kick in to activate sensors and respond to the presence of a potential host match. There are usually a handful waiting and _Heda_ is never asleep for long. A selection is only made when _Heda_ has bonded and tested them. Making sure the pair have proper bio-compatibility. Some candidates are not compatible and do not survive the bonding process. The rest are weighed and measured against one another.

When _Heda_ meets and fuses with the chosen vessel, the brain is instantly contacted and ninety-seven years’ worth of memories and learned experiences are now stored and capable of access. And the true purpose for _Heda_ can be executed and fulfilled:

 

_Ensure the survival of humankind._

 

Viewed with the mind’s eye, the accessed storage sends electrical signals to resonate in the body and draw up the associated emotions and physical effects related to the mental images. When compared and contrasted with the existence and state of matter and energy outside the immediate region of the body, as well as the mind and body itself, the choice for a vessel is not as clear as it usually it. It has been getting more difficult with each successive host.

But this is part _Heda’s_ purpose; to learn. The moment the full commitment to symbiosis happens, _Heda_ only lives and understands as a human does. This is the only type of existence that allows _Heda_ to access these parts in such a way. And truly, being a human is all _Heda_ knows. At first, it wasn’t as difficult to distinguish how to separate _Heda’s_ logical decision making with the interfering responses that were so distinctly _human._ But as _Heda_ grows and adapts in the way both nature and design intended, the lines become more blurred.

As _Heda_ culminates the bonding process of the chosen host, there is no separation between the two anymore. They are one and the same. There will be a small adjustment period; a few hours, maybe the duration of the evening. Even a day, perhaps. At first contact, all of _Heda’s_ life is experienced in a flash, but each moment is drawn out in what is perceived as real time – though to an outsider looking in, only an instant would have passed. First it begins with the memories the body had prior to the union – winning the Conclave, travelling to Polis, living and growing in the harsh lands of Azgeda. Then it slips seamlessly into those of the previous successors. Immediately after the small Azegdian child’s eyes close once they had experienced opening for the first time, _Heda’s_ eyes widen again immediately afterward to meet with those of a girl. She is gripping on to _Heda_ , sobbing uncontrollably against her body.

 

_Clarke._

 

These memories are still fresh and at once, the body is alive with the feelings. Intense physical pain – though it is not important – the fear for the girl in front of her is. The surprise and the heat of being hit by the bullet fades nearly as quick as it surfaced and _Heda_ is in a bed. Naked, relaxed, serene. She is happy. There are fingers running electric over her skin, hot exhalations breathing life into her mouth. Her body slips and slides in tandem along the other and it feels like she`s reaching for that same feeling of completion whenever _Heda_ has to grasp desperately to finally bond to a body. That same explosive oneness when a connection completes that humans haven`t quite been able to conceive language for. And to know Clarke in that way is bliss. To have an equal be separated by bodies, but so in tune to each other is ecstasy. _Heda_ knows that all too well. _Heda_ searches for that same compatibility when the bodies expire, but does not _feel_ it in the same way. To feel it as a human is _so_ different. To feel it _with_ another human is something else entirely and nothing short of surreal. And it is certainly something _Heda_ wants to experience again.

To be _Heda_ has always been to be alone. Consummation and replication is a key factor and the easiest way to ensure humans continued to succeed. But, not everyone is meant for that. Too much replication is just as detrimental as too little. But from the beginning, _Heda_ has made sure to take preventative measures against such an obvious issue.

There is also the tendency for the balance of chemicals to alter and shift when this particular human connection takes place. It twists and distorts logic, clouds judgement and sound reasoning. Wants and needs are confined to that connection and rarely distributed anywhere else. Emotional decisions become more prominent. _Bad_ decisions become more prominent. Suddenly there is no “humankind”, no “we the people.” There is only the personal connections that particular body has made. It becomes selfish. Humans were born with selfish genes, just as the rest of the Earth’s animal kingdom was, but they are also the only ones with the awareness to surpass it. In giving in to bodily and selfish temptations, seeing the bigger picture slips further and further away and the soul cannot see anything past being this one specific person in a given time.

This is why _Heda_ has chosen to be alone. Choosing to be alone is, in itself, choosing to make the correct and responsible decision.  It allows for the ability to able to make good future decisions. _Heda_ always instructs the Flamekeeper of how he or she is to help in training and guidance within _Heda’s_ confines of new material. To reinforce _Heda’s_ own rules. To make sure _Heda_ does not become a slave to biology and feelings and emotions.

In the beginning, on a rare occasion, when _Heda’s_ body was called Becca, and after called Silas, there were instances when _Heda_ gave in to allow this scope of human connection and behaviour to be experienced. At first, there was what humans called romantic love and _Heda_ let it in willingly. It felt beautiful and inspiring and utterly blissful. And though _Heda_ is smart, falling in love in such a position is not good for anyone. This was learned. The ties had to be severed if proper decisions were to be made for the greater good. The other humans on the receiving ends of these connections were devastated, broken, crippled emotionally – sometimes physically depending on the situation. _Heda_ , despite knowing logic and reason, also suffered. Some partners died, others were tortured. And _Heda_ was not above a certain amount of retribution. But, _Heda_ is smart, and will always learn.

And so commenced the fall into an odd and scattered pattern throughout a few successors where the emotional was separated from the physical. And, this worked for a time. The body and its basic needs were sated. But more of often than not, despite being descriptively clear, the lack of attachment was not mutual on the reciprocating end of this connection. Other people were hurt, and that in turn hurt _Heda_. Finally, the ability to separate the current bodily needs with those needs of the greater good became so prominent and obvious, that _Heda_ declared singularity. To rule and have humanity prosper _finally_ became the only reason for _Heda`s_ existence. Survive, and keep _others_ surviving merged into a single goal.

To have other humans who _Heda_ was personally attached to unable to understand the stances taken on certain issues and specific values was more a nightmare than anything. They were taken too personally. A double edged sword where no matter which end struck, pain would be felt. _Heda_ has felt this successively. Learned this repeatedly and _remembered_ those lessons through the lifetimes. This is why _Heda_ is the leader. It is not just the lessons and experiences in this lifetime affecting _Heda`s_ decisions. It is the memories and experiences from all lives. Very few humans have this naturally. It is only fit that _Heda_ rule, because _Heda_ does not forget. And when lessons have been learned, there is no more worth in willingly placing the self in those same experiences, only to have to learn over and over again. That is the definition of suffering and it is far from efficient. For the sake of the feelings and lives of those who wished to pursue a personal connection with _Heda,_ they were blocked out.

This continues until _Heda_ unwillingly - and despite all self-control, begins making connections that feel like there is no possible modicum of control to be had over them. Despite all the rationalizing and reasoning. Despite consulting memory upon memory and deriving every situation and experience related to such matters, _Heda_ cannot control this handful of people.

It starts with Daron sneaking into Asher`s heart and his bed without the current Flamekeeper, Titus, ever knowing or finding out. The man feels like a godsend. Daron listens and nods and smiles with something that _Heda_ has never known before – understanding. Understanding in knowing _Heda’s_ position and not talking about it. Understanding in only joining one another during a respite. Understanding in knowing when to keep away, no matter how often that is. Understanding that it is best that Daron`s presence is never found out. Unfortunately, _Heda_ is conditioned and blocked. Backed up in the way of allowing the opening and acceptance of these feelings and experiences in the way they should truly be.

Daron leaves eventually, deterred by the lack of response and reciprocation on _Heda`s_ part despite the fact that their pull toward one another is so strong and undeniable. For the first time in a long time, _Heda_ feels crushed, personally. But, it is only for an instant before it is smothered and tossed away.

With Costia, that same understanding is still there, but _Heda_ does not want to make the same mistake as with Daron, and so Costia is not kept a secret. Costia is accepted by _Heda_ and cherished. Costia also came as an extension of Lexa on Ascension Day. She was already there – prominent and balanced and _good_. _Heda_ knew it was a risk, but could not help it. This is part of learning.

But Costia was a lover and a healer, not a fighter. Despite having guards, she was taken.

They are all different. Costia is different from Daron. Daron is different from Aliyah, and so on and so forth. A lesson will always be learned from each and every one of them. Part of _Heda_ knows this and thus allows them in – in their own certain and special way, they are allowed to see a specific aspect that will be juxtaposed in just the right way that _Heda_ needs at that time to evolve into a better person. A better human. This is how _Heda_ learns. Reaction and response. There is no other way. This is how _Heda_ was made to bond. This is how _Heda_ is human.

Clarke is an unstoppable force that _Heda_ both accepts and willingly pulls at. She is fierce in her convictions, active in her pursuits and is both logical and vicious in her actions when it comes to those she is protecting. Her people. Her humans. _Heda_ respects this, and is surprised at how adept Clarke is to this calling. _Heda_ knows this calling and has answered it for many lifetimes. Heda Lexa wonders how old Clarke’s soul is.

To have an individual in a specific time and place serve some sort of purpose to _Heda’s_ grand plan is one thing. A pawn, perhaps even a much needed escape or respite can be expected in a brief instance of weakness. But, to actively pursue and keep Clarke within _Heda’s_ gravitation is entirely different. Clarke’s company is sought after. Her presence is calming. Her resonance aligns with all that _Heda’s_ Lexa is giving off that almost feels too good to be true.

When it comes time, however, _Heda_ does as _Heda_ knows is best and leaves Clarke when an informed decision must be made. Hundreds upon hundreds of lives saved at the expense of forty-seven. These are the kinds of decisions that make it overwhelmingly difficult to indulge in the sort of whimsical hope that a normal human would expect to be treated to in their lifetime. Costia had been taken against both their wills, but emotionally relented to. Daron had been actively left, but not given to emotionally in the first place. Somehow, Clarke feels like the perfect composition of the two. To have to actively leave Clarke feels, at the time, like _Heda_ is ripping the Commander’s soul in half.

And so Heda Lexa is forced to watch _again_ as she, the Commander, makes a decision that completely invalidates and overrides Clarke`s existence in alignment with hers and _Heda_ had forgotten, however temporarily, how painful it is to do so.

Despite instructing her Flamekeeper, Titus, on how a Commander is supposed to conduct oneself, _Heda_ did not prepare for Clarke. Clarke who is this essence that is so undoubtedly familiar. This being that appears to share the same thoughts and burdens as _Heda_ herself in this current time. And Clarke is always transparent. She is not wrought with trickery or deception. Always, she claims when she is biased. Clarke will do right by her people – will always vouch and root for them, even when it makes little sense. Clarke`s people are her own humanity and she fights for them. Just like _Heda_ does.

It is at this point that _Heda_ as Lexa cannot bring herself to let Clarke go. She cannot consciously let this other human, who is so intertwined and rooted within her own values and being, despite not having the remembrance of continuous lives under her belt readily available to her, have harm brought upon her, or death. And _Heda_ knows this is not a bad thing. For many years there has been a certain biased and labelling scheme developing and deep down, _Heda_ knows that Clarke is the way to ascend this. Lexa has always known what she wants to do to achieve peace amongst the flourishing communities, but Clarke gives her the strength to actually see her actions though.

Humanity is changing. Not merely in a state of survival, but one of potential flourishment. And to accompany that, humanity must change how it is driven. Clarke is the catalyst for encouraging _Heda_ to implement these decisions.

Uniting the twelve clans was a feat on its own, but the population does not view all clans as their own people. Heda Lexa views them all as her people. The people on these lands are hers – Trikru, Azgeda, it does not matter. When conflict arises, it is easier for the population to compartmentalize that into a clan. Some people prefer to quit distinguishing at that point; to siphon their anger and hate into entire villages and regions of people, despite the negative actions being of a few people only.

 _Heda,_ inside of Lexa, does not. The tree people, the ice nation, the boat people – they are all united and justice must be descended down to each levels for each crime. She refuses to hold the entirety of Azgeda responsible for waking up to Costia`s head within her bed. An entire region and nationality of people did not do this. Instead, Lexa brings them into her alliance and treats them as her people. Even the guilty ones that she does not have enough evidence to convict.

When Skaikru are welcomed into the coalition, _Heda_ views them just the same. And not just because of Clarke. But because they are human. They fell from the sky because they had no choice, and with no way of knowing what to face. They were merely trying to survive. Nia sends an order to kill forty-nine members of Skaikru without any provocation. Clarke does not demand war on Azgeda, she only demands justice. Nia`s head is enough. Clarke understands there is no need to take forty-eight other heads of the clan. _Heda_ respects this.

Most, if not all humans attempt a bonding with one another. Most relationships remain toxic, painful, and detrimental. But it is the human need to procreate that fuels them and most are helpless to the call. In many lifetimes, it is those who choose not to engage in this form of connection that _Heda_ finds to be the most intelligent. Why engage and suffer unless the relationship is equally, mutually beneficial? Many times that question is inadvertently answered with “children”. A continuation of legacy, overriding many of the other functions like communication, being understood and remaining happy. Co-existing in a pure give and take relationship that evens out is a rarity. It is also the most useful. Titus, the current Flamekeeper, certainly does not understand what it means to find another piece of oneself in a separate body. He has never experienced it. His job demands it. _Heda_ has been trying to understand the underlying human nature that perpetuates loneliness. It can be rationalized and lived with now and _Heda_ is proud and content with that, but the moment Clarke arrives, everything _Heda_ has ever known about human connection is torn down. To this day, no one, absolutely no one has understood _Heda_ `s functions like Clarke has. For someone like _Heda,_ that is supposed to be just as human as the rest, it is certainly isolating to always be blamed, questioned, and rarely understood.

It is why _Heda`s_ bodies do not last long. It takes the people killing it to understand the proper way. Usually multiple times. _Heda_ never grows very old. But the population does not accept change readily – leaving war the only option. And even then, it is just as much of a death sentence. _Heda_ does not take it personally. _Heda_ never dies, and will always be back to continue.

When _Heda_ rests within a body on downtime with all the memories – asking for guidance from the previous Commanders, there are many warnings and necessities to follow, but a strange constant that looms is the unanswered aspect of ascendance levels. These levels do not have names or labels, but they happen when change is difficult – when life is hard. They happen when something literally _strikes_ _Heda_ into remembering the true purpose of the mission.

Peace.

 

Clarke triggers one of these aspects. It is Clarke who reminds _Heda_ of the true purpose of this current lifetime and the one who has given Heda Lexa the courage to not only remember, but to follow through on those actions. To do what the population decrees as blasphemous, when they both know it is the right way.

They are two very young bodies floating in a sea of idiocy. A sea that, due to specific programming on each of their ends, has kept them fully attached to these silly creatures who are hating each other. Somehow, with Lexa and Clarke being near one another, that frustration does not matter so much anymore. The loneliness is subdued. Especially when Lexa’s knees buckle beneath her and swears her fealty to Clarke. There is no way _Heda_ can let go of something that is so similar to her. Something so wonderful and familiar and peaceful. Someone that can be in a different place physically, yet at the same time be completely trustworthy. It is as if suddenly there are two of _Heda._ One fills in the cracks and cliffs that the other has not scaled yet, and together they can expand their influence to greater lengths.

Clarke’s people and Lexa’s people are one and the same now, and Lexa is determined to show Clarke that she truly means that. Labels are just words. They are all human and they all have something to offer. They all live on this planet. Skaikru is no different. It is not everyone who will see that now, but Heda Lexa is certain they will make an example.

That feeling does not last long before _Heda_ is frantically searching and hunting for the new host after the body called Lexa is no longer fit for command. It all comes back however, when _she_ is found.

Ascension Day is a tense and fragile day. It is not exciting, it is not morale boosting. There is an army waiting for guidance along the Skaikru border and they have been waiting for a few days.

 _Heda_ has chosen, and it has been a long day. It will take time to adjust.

The neural signals and synapses are the first to be adjusted. Chemicals come next. The neurotransmitters are regulated according to previous memory and levels associated with peak function are applied and monitored. Memory is poured into the brain by the way of individual signals and the emotional, chemical, and physical responses are kept. Because these are the lessons. The patterns must be kept because when these patterns are replayed over and over, they take control and they are learned by the body. This is how _Heda_ lives on. This is how _Heda_ , unlike the rest of humanity, does not have to reset.

Lexa had been the last. And it is how _Heda_ functioned within Lexa’s chemical and biological composition that takes over to start the process of the new Commander.

This body is more hostile than the previous ones. Its emotions and responses to certain stimuli are aggressive and unwavering. It has been kept separate from the others. The Nightbloods are typically trained within Polis for one purpose and one purpose only – to be a compatible and acceptable host for _Heda_. The previous Commander is supposed to train them physically and emotionally in its stead. To follow _Heda’s_ legacy as close as possible to allow for transitional ease. There would have been a time when _Heda_ would have chosen a body more akin to Aden than the one who was ultimately selected.

 _Heda_ does not chose Aden. _Heda_ chooses - and unlike previous choices, a body is chosen that is the most physically similar to the previous, Lexa. It is not the only factor weighed in, however. Had this body been completely unfit in other ways, another would have been chosen. As it stands, there is a little extra work that goes into the reconfiguration, but it is far from impossible. There are certain aspects of humanity that _Heda_ needs to explore in this lifetime, and this is the body that is chosen to do so.

 

 

When Heda Ontari Kom Azgeda is announced to the ambassadors, they bow, as is necessary, but knowing where they stand in regards to her reign will take time. They will obey. That is certain. And there is respect for being chosen. But, a time of change is amongst them, and _Heda_ knows what fear does to people.

The blockade is kept in place and Heda Ontari is to be informed of any breaches. It takes a considerable amount of effort to override the personal decision to obliterate Skaikru, especially against the wishes of her ambassadors, but the decision to enforce the order executed by the last body is made from a deeper place.

When the matter is settled, _Heda_ calls for Clarke.

 

 

Before Clarke steps into the throne room, she steels herself as much as possible. She and Murphy have been locked up for two days. With the new Commander selected and active, and the blockade in effect, Clarke realizes that they cannot simply go back to Arkadia.

In being little more than a prisoner, Clarke is not aware of the outcome of the Conclave. She hopes, and assumes that Aden will be sitting where Lexa once sat when she enters.

It has been a knuckle-biting and surreal few days, confined to a room with Murphy and nothing but her thoughts. Her thoughts that keep replaying over and over each and every second of Lexa’s death. Like it isn’t real, but merely a memory. Those aren’t the recollections that cause an overflow of tears, however. What leaves Clarke ragged and weak is remembering Lexa’s smile as Clarke runs her hands all over her body. Lexa’s gasps and shudders as she and Clarke sync themselves to one another for the first and only time.

Murphy doesn’t have a lot to say after his initial explanation of why he is there in the first place and what he has uncovered. It is much bigger than both of them, but Clarke can hardly bring herself to care. Never has she felt so numb.

With a part of her still denying that Lexa is indeed, gone, the sight of Ontari perched in her place almost causes Clarke’s knees to buckle as she enters the room.

There is a tense silence permeating the room when the doors close behind Clarke. No longer is she comfortable waltzing in like she basically owns the place. No longer can she speak to the Commander as both a respected figure and _friend_. No longer can she stare into the eyes of _Heda_ and see herself reflected in them like she is nothing short of magnificent.

Terror grips at Clarke, but that has never stopped her before. She has no choice but to negotiate with Ontari.

Ignoring her fear, Clarke tightens her fists and begins a confident stride toward the familiar throne. She halts in her tracks however, when Ontari stands. Clarke can`t place what it is about Ontari that freezes her on the spot, but when Ontari begins to descend the steps and advances, Clarke`s breath catches in her throat.

Something is wrong. Clarke has met and dealt with Ontari, however brief it was, but something… something is…she does not know, only that Ontari is not the same.

She watches, entranced, at the specific placement of Ontari`s feet as she steps. The gait and movements are predictable. Her hands come to clasp behind her back and Clarke`s lip begins to tremble. Ontari`s chin juts up in just the right _way_ , and the settling in her weight as she comes to stand directly in front of Clarke has the sky girl`s breath coming out in uncertain hitches.

Stoic and unmoving, like a statue, Ontari lowers her head to gaze upon her guest. Their eyes never leave one another. And it is in the way the first word that comes out of the Commander`s mouth that ushers a string of tears from a panicked set of blue eyes.

_“Clarke.”_

 

And it is because no one has ever said her name like that except for _her_ , that Clarke can’t constrain her own voice.

 

_“…Lexa?”_


End file.
